The Anti-Tumblr

There are three different people who deliver our paper. One of them puts it in the mailbox. One of them does the same but doesn’t close the door to the mailbox. And the last asshole throws it in our driveway. In case you don’t know, we don’t live in a suburb (which means we don’t just skip out to the end of our yard to get it) and our driveway is over 200ft long down a big hill. Each morning I typically have to drive around the paper when I leave for work so I don’t run over it. But this morning the paper was in the road. I don’t know why, but this pisses me off more than anything.

Everyday I see that paper in the driveway, I imagine some bitter old hag or some scraggly asshole driving a beat up van from the 80s. Each morning they wake up hating the world. Their pessimistic attitude on life has led them to believe that the whole world is just out to get them. So every time they come to that beautiful house on the hill with its perfectly maintained driveway and flowers beside the mailbox, they hate the world even more. They decide to rebel by just tossing the newspaper out their window. “That’ll teach those rich successful people who look down at everybody from their stupid hill! They don’t work hard or anything, so they don’t deserve to have their paper conveniently placed in a spot that doesn’t require bending over.”

I imagine that or some lazy, incompetent idiot who doesn’t want to be bothered with the painstaking task of opening a mailbox, putting a rolled up news paper inside, and closing the door. They do what’s in their job title: deliver paper to address and that’s enough. No need to go the extra mile and put it in a convenient place where rain or the local stray dog could ruin it.

So it’s not the fact that we have to bend down to pick up our paper that makes me mad. It’s that someone has a job so incredibly easy yet they just can’t put a paper in a mailbox. What’s the world coming to when people are too lazy to do even the simplest of jobs?